Thoughts on Beer

Thoughts on Beer

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

--Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

--Ernest Hemmingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

--Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.

--Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

--Catherine Zandonella

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

--W.C. Fields

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

--His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

--David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

--Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

--Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

--Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

--Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

--David Moulton

People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot.

--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

--Kaiser Welhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

--Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

--Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.

--George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.

--Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

--Dean Martin

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

--Homer Simpson